All I’ve wanted to do this past week is cut myself again, and Im so tempted. Im going to crumble.
I don’t know what caused it but a feeling of self hate washed over me, and I couldn’t handle it, I broke down. I hate myself. I don’t deserve happiness, I deserve to die. Thats when I felt overwhelmed with the urge to cut. I had done so well recently not cutting: not even wanting to, I didn’t know how to handle how I felt at this moment, so I panic’d I tried to ring people, anyone who could distract me from this impulse. But no one answered. It won. I cut again. At least now my emotions are controlled. I feel numb.
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- My Mom: I think you should do your homework.
- Me: Well, sometimes I think I should do crystal meth, but then I think nah, better not.